It’s November, which means the year is truly over. The holiday season is underway, unless you’re still writing your exams, in which case, sorry. I’m rooting for you. During this time of year, it is not uncommon for your work acquaintances to start being extra sweet just in case you pick their names from the secret Santa hat. This is a time for festive cheer. It is not the time for one of Mangaliso’s tirades, but here I go. I do not like secret Santa and similar gimmicks! My case in point is December 2016. I had just joined the admin team at a successful FMCG business in Matsapha when Thoko* (pseudonym), ran to the CFO and asked that we be allowed to exchange gifts at the office premises for Christmas. She suggested that we print the entire staff list. Chop up the names and throw them into a hat. Whomever you pick from that hat is the person you’re gifting. The idea is to remain anonymous until a predetermined date. Standard secret Santa rules.
Thoko was super excited about it and she was contagious. The whole office bought into her idea, except me. I voiced it out. These are not my vibes. I’m uncomfortable. But when you’re the most junior person in the office, your input has little sway. The show must go on. Okay. The hat comes out. One-by-one we start picking names from the hat. The office is swimming in juvenile jubilation and there are random giggles popping up from all corners of the building. Then it’s my turn to dip my hand in the hat. I pull out a name. It’s not a Swati name so I assume that its one of my coloured colleagues. But which one? I still haven’t really mastered their names. I roam the office and interview the colleagues that sit closest to me. They are helpful. They point at the friendly gentleman that will be receiving a gift from me.
I proceed to collect intelligence about how he spends his weekends and it turns out he likes to party. Easy enough. I plan to get him a camp chair, a bottle of wine and a third item which escapes right now. Flash forward. I don’t have a car. I am heavily laden. Picture what you look like when you return from buying groceries and you need to take everything into the house in one trip. That’s how I felt. I take the long journey from my house to Matsapha. I drop my consignment where everyone has made a pile. Sweaty. I sigh. Whew. It’s over.
We are about to start in a few minutes but Thoko is nowhere to be seen. The murmurs commence in earnest. Competing theories start popping up. “She’s unwell.” “She’s in the kitchen.” “She’s in the ladies room.” And right then I get a call. “Hello.” “Hi Mangaliso, ngimi.” “Nguwe?” “I’m at Clicks. What do you want me to get you?”
I put my hand over the mouthpiece and announce, “I found her.” The murmuring stops. I get back to this phone call that is about get awkward. She explains how she tried to come up with stuff to get me but she just doesn’t know what I would like. She breaks HER OWN RULES to invite me to basically place an order. I don’t cooperate. They don’t call me Mangaliso for nothing. I brush her off. I say something like “I want my gift to come from you, not from me, as you had intended on that happy day in the boss’s office.” She laughs, nervously and hangs up.
The whole office is staring at me, waiting for an update, and I just say, “she’ll be a little late” and go to my seat. Cut the long story short, she got me bath towels. I was absolutely fuming! When I got home, I took a long look in the mirror and made a promise to myself. Never again! I have been a serial party pooper ever since and my new colleagues that I didn’t even know in 2016 are left to deal with a heart that they didn’t break.
Cyber Awareness Month
Our government launched Cyber awareness month on Monday, November 1st. The campaign is a Government-led multi-stakeholder initiative to create awareness on issues of online safety. I personally appreciate the effort. This generation interacts more with their screens than the people in the room. All of life has been digitalised. It is prudent that we remain vigilant when interacting with electronic mail and the web.
Eswatini has seen an increase in the incidence of cyber attacks. A NATCOM official claimed that “between December 2020 and September 2021, an upsurge in the number of cybercrime cases & incurred financial losses was recorded.” The free apps that you download outside of official app stores 👀 pose a real threat. These many WhatsApp mods and other illegal apps that some of you are just too proud to have discovered are especially vulnerable. Online opportunists may compromise your most personal data including passwords. Talk to your wise computer friends about how you can keep online threats at bay. It’s pretty much a big deal.
A side bar to this conversation about us co-existing with technology is our conduct on social media towards others. Bullying online is rampant because it does not take any courage to do it. Even the cowards find their voice and use it to spread negativity. Everyone on social media just has to be “savage.” I hate it. I do not believe that all of the vile comments posted online come from people that genuinely subscribe to them. I think it’s more a thing of people posting what they think other people will react to. They do not have confidence to reflect their true feelings, they’d rather be somebody else. Use your block button. Cease all interactions with accounts that make you feel and think less of yourself, even if you know them in real life. If the content they post is consistently triggering to you - unfollow.
“Don’t be afraid to cut anybody off.” - An Eskom proverb.
Vaccinating the Little Ones
The Pfizer BioNTech rollout started on Wednesday in 4 locations in the Hhohho region, 3 locations in the Manzini region, 3 locations in the Lubombo region and finally 3 more eShiselweni. This particular rollout is targeting a younger demographic. Children between the ages of 12 and 17. Let’s get vaccinated. Eswatini is currently at 20% coverage and has set targets to reach 70% by December. There is no hope of achieving this without our enthusiastic participation as citizens. If you have qualms, speak to a medical professional. You may call multiple clinics and pharmacies and have them reassure you. It protects you and the people around you, and who knows, if we get 80-90% coverage, maybe we can go back to groove without the curfew anxiety.
Interestingly, Pfizer’s Covid vaccine is going to make $65 billion 🤑 by next year, which would be a record for a medical product.
Tax Returns
Under normal circumstances, taxpayers file their income tax returns with the Eswatini Revenue Service (ERS) at the end of October in accordance with the Commissioner General’s notice. The October deadline was relaxed last year because of Covid, but I am not aware if the same leniency was applied for the tax year thus concluded. Mentioning the deadline after the fact is not very helpful to you and for that I apologise.
I noticed that our revenue authority had changed its name a few weeks ago from Swaziland/Eswatini Revenue Authority (SRA) to Eswatini Revenue Service (ERS). I’m sure there was formal communication to this effect but I found out rather rudely. I was on their website one day clicking around and I suddenly noticed a something off about the logo. It looked like it had been photoshopped by the intern.
The name change is great PR to soften the image of the tax authority. Having “authority” in the name had overlord overtones. Perhaps regarding themselves as a “service” to government, and by extension, to the nation, will change the nature of the relationship between taxpayer and the revenue service so that it is a little less adversarial. Maybe, going forward collection targets will be achieved employing far less effort? Let’s put a pin in that.
Oil Prices
The price of oil has been on a relentless upward trend, closing 70% higher at the end of October than it was on New Year’s eve. During the third quarter of the year we were already observing input producer prices rising faster than consumer prices.
“Input producer prices are costs associated with purchases required as inputs into the production process. Consumer prices are the prices that we pay for the groceries we consume.”
We are fearful that we are heading for an expensive holiday period. A simplistic model of why our groceries might be more expensive this December is explained by the upsurge in oil prices. We are still a very fossil fuel reliant global economy. We only talk about renewables, but to remain alive, we turn to fossil fuels. When the cost of the magic substance that powers our entire livelihoods shoots up, producers have to raise the prices they charge us to maintain profit margins.
How can you protect yourself from the impending onslaught of hyperinflation? I’m Sway. If I had the answers, I’d have already shared them with my Zimbabwean brothers and my overseas Venezuelan friends.
Squid Game Coin
Source: CoinMarketCap
My favourite newsletter, Morning Brew, is calling it the “Squid Scam.” A crypto coin was launched last week purporting to be related to the popular Netflix series Squid Game. The coin was as enthralling as the Korean original for all of 35 minutes. At launch, 26 October 2021, the coin was worth about a cent. A week later, November 1st, 11:25 am, that 1 cent investment was valued at $2856 🚀. By 12:00 noon, the coin took a tumble that sketched a graph resembling that of a heart monitor and flat-lined, as if to symbolise its own death. The owners of the coin have since disappeared, making off with over $3 million. As for the investors… 🤷🏾♂️. I also find it unfortunate that this scam was perpetrated only 2 weeks after World Investor Week 🤦🏾♂️. It’s also worth mentioning that signs were there:
🚩The coin’s website was filled with spelling and grammatical errors.
🚩 The Twitter account didn’t allow replies to posts.
🚩 Investors were unable to sell their coins.
Elon’s Wealth
Space X and Tesla CEO Elon Musk is the richest man in the world. To celebrate this feat, Elon tweeted a silver medal emoji to Jeff Bezos, the now former richest man.
A UN official said Elon is so rich that he could solve world hunger with 2% of his wealth. This seems reckless to me. Statements like this could have the consequence of making the super wealthy look like jerks for seemingly opting against solving world hunger and choosing to build flame throwers instead.
Elon is not the type to take such things lying down. Of course he had a rebuttal. He trolls as a hobby. He tweeted that he would sell his Tesla stock if the UN official gave him a plan on how one may solve world hunger with $6 billion. Before the official could formulate a complete response he posted this:
More News
The Queen of Great Britain was spotted in the driver’s seat of a green Jaguar. This comes after her doctors had advised that she refrain from arduous tasks. She was advised to limit her activity to light duties only. She’s 95.
Statistics South Africa announced that they would be conducting the fourth population census since 1994 from February next year.
The United Nations Climate Change Conference of the Parties (COP26) kicked off on Sunday. The biggest brains on earth are holding discourse on how to arrest the pace of climate change until mid-November.
What I’m Reading
I’m reading Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks. I was going to give this book an “average” rating and recommend other books instead. I thought other authors before him had done a better job of what Matt tried to do with Storyworthy; to wit, On Writing by Stephen King and the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. When this thought occurred to me, I was just about ready to close the book and regard it as a near miss. But I didn’t do that and I am so glad that I didn’t. The book picks up.
Mr. Dicks eventually connects with me. He lays bare the secrets of storytelling and capturing an audience. He insists that when you tell a story, you ought to tell your own. An audience is discerning and will notice when you’re being disingenuous; then you have a mountain to climb if you wish to be believed and understood. It would benefit anybody, regardless of career path, to become better at telling stories. Stories are how we communicate.
If you have a first date that is fast approaching and you’re worried a little bit that it will be awkward, study this book and you’ll be 5 times more interesting. Even to you, dear reader, who does not have a date this week. That’s okay. This informative text could be your company until love smiles at you again.
If anything else happened this week, I missed it. Till next Sunday 👋🏾.
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